Every website,every discussion,every interview about Sensory Processing Disorder is an opportunity to answer the question for someone,somewhere,who has been wondering all their life,“What’s wrong with me?”

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Self-love vs Self-hatred

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I can hardly write about this without disliking myself on a certain level.

All my life I have struggled against the belief that what ails me is a moral/spiritual failure,some complex mixture of the seven deadly sins.

Or an emotional disorder that is within my power to fix,if I would quit hanging on so stubbornly to my self-centered beliefs.

Sometimes I simply feel like a pain in the ass to everyone I interact with. The more closely you have to interact with me,the more of a pain the ass I fear I will become.

My best defense

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Getting Relief

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I have evolved a complicated routine for “resting.” Exhaustion is a common byproduct of every type of SPD. The past few years,it has followed me like a stealthy phantom,waiting for any opportunity to jump out of the shadows and take over my body.

When I was young I was pretty adept at ignoring and denying exhaustion. I chalked up the horrible days I spent moving through a dark grey fog to depression. Still,I often don’t realize I am exhausted until the pain in my neck and shoulders becomes unbearable.

I eventually did learn that the proper response to

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Autism?

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Years ago,the first time I heard about my bizarre sensory symptoms was in something I read about autism. I immediately wondered if I was autistic.

But autism includes:

Difficulty communicating A lack of ability to read social cues Poor eye contact

 I communicate just fine when I’m not in a situation that taxes my senses.

I am very sensitive (possibly too sensitive) to social cues.I do feel eye contact to be very intense and I have difficulty maintaining it when I am over-stimulated. But if I am in a situation where communication is required,I naturally seek and maintain

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